Day Two Hundred Fifteen
Woke up kinda early this morning and got ready, then Lees and I went out and did our 3 miles!! That felt great. Nice weather out. It was kinda cloudy, but it was still a good walk. Cody and Cooper got their exercise as well.
I felt really crappy about myself today. Idk I feel like I've really put on weight since my recovery. It's so hard to accept that because of how much I busted my ass over the past year and a half now. I'm so frustrated. Now, it seems that I have to retrain my body to do everything I did before my surgery. My legs ache so bad and my feet hurt after my walks. That is really weighing down on me and it makes me mad. One thing I realized today is that I have really let the opinions of other people drag me down. The thing about Fyrescape is that it's not only about physical health but mental health as well. I've learned and realized so many things over the course of this Journey. Today was another one and that was that I let the past opinions of other people like my parents and women I've had bad situations with, I let that dictate my life now. So many things I don't do because I'm worried about myself according to them. I need to stop doing that and dammit, I am going to stop doing that. I'm going to fix myself and regain all that confidence I should've had this whole time. I'm not going to turn into a guy who ends up alone and with no experiences or joy because he was too busy worried about what other people had said about him in the past. That doesn't matter anymore and it never did! I have let other people put me down and keep me there without even knowing it. I need to let it go. We went to church today and one part of the message that pastor mentioned is that we need to let things go that happened in the past because I may be sitting here worried and getting angry over something that happened with another person and yet that person is living their life happy and joyful without ever thinking about me once. That is very true! These people who have said horrible things about me in the past that I'm still dwelling over, they don't care nor do they wonder about it. They just live their life normally and as much as that pisses me off, I need to let it go and just continue on with my life and grasp opportunities and make things happen for myself. I have, for so long, let this crap dictate my life. Lisa helped me to realize that today and I feel much better now because I feel like I finally have control. I'm going to work at it. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm going to really work at it and weed this crap out of my life. I want to be better and I will.
The rest of my day, I relaxed here at home. It's cold this evening. I'm going to try DDP yoga tomorrow and then start with my Bowflex workouts as well as my outside workouts. It's time to really get started back to my daily workouts. I want to push myself like I did before. I'm done recovering and it's time to get back to the grind so I can start work here soon when or before Lisa starts Nursing School.
I'm going to take a shower now, then relax and wait for Lisa to get off work. Goodnight!
I felt really crappy about myself today. Idk I feel like I've really put on weight since my recovery. It's so hard to accept that because of how much I busted my ass over the past year and a half now. I'm so frustrated. Now, it seems that I have to retrain my body to do everything I did before my surgery. My legs ache so bad and my feet hurt after my walks. That is really weighing down on me and it makes me mad. One thing I realized today is that I have really let the opinions of other people drag me down. The thing about Fyrescape is that it's not only about physical health but mental health as well. I've learned and realized so many things over the course of this Journey. Today was another one and that was that I let the past opinions of other people like my parents and women I've had bad situations with, I let that dictate my life now. So many things I don't do because I'm worried about myself according to them. I need to stop doing that and dammit, I am going to stop doing that. I'm going to fix myself and regain all that confidence I should've had this whole time. I'm not going to turn into a guy who ends up alone and with no experiences or joy because he was too busy worried about what other people had said about him in the past. That doesn't matter anymore and it never did! I have let other people put me down and keep me there without even knowing it. I need to let it go. We went to church today and one part of the message that pastor mentioned is that we need to let things go that happened in the past because I may be sitting here worried and getting angry over something that happened with another person and yet that person is living their life happy and joyful without ever thinking about me once. That is very true! These people who have said horrible things about me in the past that I'm still dwelling over, they don't care nor do they wonder about it. They just live their life normally and as much as that pisses me off, I need to let it go and just continue on with my life and grasp opportunities and make things happen for myself. I have, for so long, let this crap dictate my life. Lisa helped me to realize that today and I feel much better now because I feel like I finally have control. I'm going to work at it. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm going to really work at it and weed this crap out of my life. I want to be better and I will.
The rest of my day, I relaxed here at home. It's cold this evening. I'm going to try DDP yoga tomorrow and then start with my Bowflex workouts as well as my outside workouts. It's time to really get started back to my daily workouts. I want to push myself like I did before. I'm done recovering and it's time to get back to the grind so I can start work here soon when or before Lisa starts Nursing School.
I'm going to take a shower now, then relax and wait for Lisa to get off work. Goodnight!
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