Day One Hundred Ninety Eight
Today was a rotten day!!!!
Omg was it a horrible day! I had money this morning. We hauled off some trash for my grandpa today. That's one way I earn money. This was my first time doing it since my surgery. He made sure I had help and since today was Lisa's day off, we did it today. Anyway, he paid me today. Well, I ended up at the casino later on this afternoon...and put it all in there, losing it all :( I'm so pissed off at myself. What a rotten steak of luck!! I'm serious, we have absolutely NO money over the last several days and I been trying so hard to win some money for us because that's the only real means I have to do it since I have no job but all I've been doing is just losing losing losing!!! I makes me sick to my stomach and today was worse. All the money we DID have, I go up there only planning to play like ten bucks and I ended up putting the whole damn thing in because I was so damn desperate to try and win us some money. Everyone in that damn casino was winning jackpot after jackpot. I got so sick of hearing that announced over the intercom and here I am with my lousy small hand bets and I'm not winning shit! So I tried for the big ones and well, I lost everything!
Lisa was supposed to pick me up today...but I said forget it! I walked home from the casino. I was so ashamed of what I did. I walked all the way home from the casino and I was just pissed off at myself the entire time. It was a long walk, I can honestly say though that I got in my walk for the day! I don't know how long it was, but it's quite a ways.
I was about to just break down and I was so ashamed to see Lisa and tell her what I did. Well, when I did, Lisa was the Amazing person she was/is and was very understanding. She takes absolutely nothing out of me. She was just happy I was home. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a wonderful friend! A true Best Friend! I screw up time and time again, but Lisa never looks at me bad and is always forgiving of everything. That is a true blessing from God. I'm so thankful to have her in my life. Well I was finally able to forgive myself and I realized so many things that I've been doing wrong. I found myself this evening once again. I was pretty lost for a while there. Never again am I going to do that. I have made so many mistakes going up to that damn casino and I am not going to let myself become some weirdo who gets lost in that stuff every freakin time. No way! Tomorrow, Grandpa and I are supposed to go there, but I really don't want to now, however I don't want Grandpa to be there alone so I'm sure I'll go ahead and go. We're going to go selling in the morning so we can get back the money I ....lost today :'( Ugh I'm never doing that again.
So as for exercise, I did get some in today, but more importantly, I learned a lot about mistakes that I will never make again and how to be a much better person. I'm very thankful for that!
Omg was it a horrible day! I had money this morning. We hauled off some trash for my grandpa today. That's one way I earn money. This was my first time doing it since my surgery. He made sure I had help and since today was Lisa's day off, we did it today. Anyway, he paid me today. Well, I ended up at the casino later on this afternoon...and put it all in there, losing it all :( I'm so pissed off at myself. What a rotten steak of luck!! I'm serious, we have absolutely NO money over the last several days and I been trying so hard to win some money for us because that's the only real means I have to do it since I have no job but all I've been doing is just losing losing losing!!! I makes me sick to my stomach and today was worse. All the money we DID have, I go up there only planning to play like ten bucks and I ended up putting the whole damn thing in because I was so damn desperate to try and win us some money. Everyone in that damn casino was winning jackpot after jackpot. I got so sick of hearing that announced over the intercom and here I am with my lousy small hand bets and I'm not winning shit! So I tried for the big ones and well, I lost everything!
Lisa was supposed to pick me up today...but I said forget it! I walked home from the casino. I was so ashamed of what I did. I walked all the way home from the casino and I was just pissed off at myself the entire time. It was a long walk, I can honestly say though that I got in my walk for the day! I don't know how long it was, but it's quite a ways.
I was about to just break down and I was so ashamed to see Lisa and tell her what I did. Well, when I did, Lisa was the Amazing person she was/is and was very understanding. She takes absolutely nothing out of me. She was just happy I was home. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a wonderful friend! A true Best Friend! I screw up time and time again, but Lisa never looks at me bad and is always forgiving of everything. That is a true blessing from God. I'm so thankful to have her in my life. Well I was finally able to forgive myself and I realized so many things that I've been doing wrong. I found myself this evening once again. I was pretty lost for a while there. Never again am I going to do that. I have made so many mistakes going up to that damn casino and I am not going to let myself become some weirdo who gets lost in that stuff every freakin time. No way! Tomorrow, Grandpa and I are supposed to go there, but I really don't want to now, however I don't want Grandpa to be there alone so I'm sure I'll go ahead and go. We're going to go selling in the morning so we can get back the money I ....lost today :'( Ugh I'm never doing that again.
So as for exercise, I did get some in today, but more importantly, I learned a lot about mistakes that I will never make again and how to be a much better person. I'm very thankful for that!
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