Day One Hundred Ninety Three
Did 3 miles this morning!! Back at pushing myself. I also drank a bit more water today. I'm going to get back to my one gallon per day and right now, I'm working towards that.
Today was a crap day, well this evening was, but I'll get into that after I say this bit of positive stuff.
Yesterday I told about how I've been feeling down because of my towel thing and how it's really making me feel like I'm losing progress. Well today I discovered that that's NOT TRUE!!! I have not lost ANY progress. Since I started Fyrescape on April 29, 2014 I have been pushing myself to be better. Just what my slogan is for this whole thing "The Journey Back to Excellence". Well, I realized today that all the stuff I've been thru HAS been progress. I mean, I came from 360 pounds and dropped so much weight and so much inches around my waist and the rest of my body. I have kept up exercising for over a year and a half now. I've learned so much about life and exercise thru my experiences. I've been thru hardships and I've successfully beaten them all. I accomplished a lifetime goal this year by finally taking Lisa to the Ocean for the first time in her life and taking her to Sea World and Universal Studios also for the first Ever! I have been promising her that I would do that for years and years. I finally did it this year! Now, she has so many wonderful memories about it and when anyone brings up the Ocean, she jumps in there and tells how she's been there and that to me is a very Awesome accomplishment! Not to mention, I FINALLY got my hernia fixed! That hernia is what started this whole thing and I finally got it fixed. I did exactly what the surgeon told me to and I made a full recovery over the last two months. He wanted me to heal up for 6 to 8 weeks, so that's exactly what I did. I went 8 weeks and now I'm back to exercising. I realize now that if I did put on any weight in the last two months, then it was for GOOD REASON!! It wasn't because I was lazy or because I gave up. It was because I was recovering. My body needed that very badly because it was in a very damaged state due to my surgery and I needed to build back my strength, which I did. When I got my surgery, I was so weak and scared. My body could not do Anything. There were times when I thought I'd never be the same again, but now I know that's not true and it never was. I have made so much progress. Well now, another great feeling has come over me. I want to go back to work now! I feel it's time. Over the years, I've had these gut feelings that it was time to do certain things. That's how I made the decision to start Fyrescape. That's also how I made the decision to finally move out of town to my land here and move my trailer onto it. So many big important decisions have been made by these gut feelings I've had and today, I had it and it was to go back to work. Yes, I may have put on weight during my recovery, but that's good. It was just a little bit and now I'm back to exercising. But this is what Fyrescape 2 is all about. It's a second part to my Journey. I have done so much during this second part. Two big accomplishments was taking Lisa to the ocean and the other was getting my hernia fixed. Now, I need to get back to exercising, but also I need to go back to work. I was already planning that because Lisa is starting Nursing School in January, so I need to pick up the reigns and start bringing in the money while she's doing that since she's quitting her job. Well today I realized that I'm ready now and that I need to learn how to keep up my full workouts AND go to work at the same time because that's how it's going to be for the rest of my life. I can't just have one or the other. I need to do them both! So that's what I learned about my life and I am no longer in the dumps thinking I feel backward in my progress. This whole thing HAS BEEN PROGRESS!!! I have been pushing myself to be better everyday since Day One. Now, I have come a long way and learned so so much about so many things! This is what it's all about and now comes another challenge that I need to learn how to handle, getting back to working out while finding and going to work everyday. This is something I need and I am so excited to finally be doing it all. I'm very happy and thrilled to the new discovery of today and I'm going to act on it. I told Lisa about all this this morning and she was very happy to hear it. She agreed with everything! This is going to be fun and a very wonderful challenge. I'm ready for it!!
Well now for the crap part of my day! I made a HUGE mistake today. Last night, Lisa and I went to Walmart and we got some food since we don't have anything at home. Well today I was still angry about not winning anything at the casino last night. I knew I could and we really needed more money especially for our groceries, which we had NONE of. So, we talked about it and decided that I would go back up there and try again today after I took her to work. She was in full support of it, as she always is in everything I want to do. She's such a wonderful friend. Well, I went up there after dropping her off. I did ok at first. I turned $2 into $6. I wasn't planning on playing anything big because we didn't have much money left. I only wanted to play smalltime and try and build up some money from that like I usually do. Well I just ended up ONCE AGAIN just winning back the money I was putting in. In the meanwhile, freakin everyone in there was winning jackpot after jackpot. I mean everywhere! There was this woman who won $9600 and another woman who won $650. Then numerous ppl were winning One thousand and two thousand dollars. It was crazy! I got tempted because I was tired of playing little because I wasn't making any profit. So I went to a quarter machine first and I lost ten bucks. I won a little but nothing big and just ended up losing all of it. Still ppl were winning jackpots everywhere, so I went to the dollar machine and I won a few bucks, but then lost a $20. By now, I was panicking. So, I went to the machines that were paying like crazy! Another dollar machine. I went there and tried my last $20. After losing about five bucks, then winning back 2 dollars, I hit a HUGE win...or rather I was supposed to. I hit a Double Red 7 - Red 7 - Double Red 7 and they all landed on the damn payline, BUT that last Double Red 7 somehow conveniently dropped a hair below the payline and I didn't get the win. I WAS SO FREAKIN MAD!! That was MY win, I should've had it! I literally felt cheated!! That damn thing landed on the payline, but then dropped below and didn't pay me. That would have been a $600 win!!! OMG I can't tell you how angry I am over that. I was so so so so letdown and mad the rest of the evening. I ended up losing the rest of that $20 and now I have no money. Zero. Omg I feel cheated. I feel so so cheated and that the casino robbed me, literally. I was supposed to win that. That was MY win...and that machine cheated me out of it :'( omg omg ....so angry :(
So now I have no money and we have no food and we will be out of wood pellets soon. But it was my mistake. I shouldn't have let myself get tempted like that. I take full responsibility for my actions. I felt so bad when I told Lisa, but she is such a wonderful friend she just told me not to worry about it and that it was ok. She said that the only thing that ever matters to her is that I'm home safe and that I'm her best friend. That's all she cares about and that money is the last thing that's ever on her mind. I am so proud of the person that she's become. So, I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to start looking for work so I can give her a good Christmas and get everything paid off so she'll have no more worries for the rest of the year and that she can go into her Nursing School with confidence. That is our plan and I'm hoping to get it all done. I'll have to make us some money here in the next week because we are literally out of groceries, however we still have some deer meat from my hunts last year. That's what we're going to be living on for a few days until I can sell some things and get us some grocery money. I'm so thankful for today and for the things it taught me. Fyrescape 2 has been an Amazing Journey and I'm looking forward to the future. The bright horizon is soon approaching, I can feel it ;) Goodnight!
Today was a crap day, well this evening was, but I'll get into that after I say this bit of positive stuff.
Yesterday I told about how I've been feeling down because of my towel thing and how it's really making me feel like I'm losing progress. Well today I discovered that that's NOT TRUE!!! I have not lost ANY progress. Since I started Fyrescape on April 29, 2014 I have been pushing myself to be better. Just what my slogan is for this whole thing "The Journey Back to Excellence". Well, I realized today that all the stuff I've been thru HAS been progress. I mean, I came from 360 pounds and dropped so much weight and so much inches around my waist and the rest of my body. I have kept up exercising for over a year and a half now. I've learned so much about life and exercise thru my experiences. I've been thru hardships and I've successfully beaten them all. I accomplished a lifetime goal this year by finally taking Lisa to the Ocean for the first time in her life and taking her to Sea World and Universal Studios also for the first Ever! I have been promising her that I would do that for years and years. I finally did it this year! Now, she has so many wonderful memories about it and when anyone brings up the Ocean, she jumps in there and tells how she's been there and that to me is a very Awesome accomplishment! Not to mention, I FINALLY got my hernia fixed! That hernia is what started this whole thing and I finally got it fixed. I did exactly what the surgeon told me to and I made a full recovery over the last two months. He wanted me to heal up for 6 to 8 weeks, so that's exactly what I did. I went 8 weeks and now I'm back to exercising. I realize now that if I did put on any weight in the last two months, then it was for GOOD REASON!! It wasn't because I was lazy or because I gave up. It was because I was recovering. My body needed that very badly because it was in a very damaged state due to my surgery and I needed to build back my strength, which I did. When I got my surgery, I was so weak and scared. My body could not do Anything. There were times when I thought I'd never be the same again, but now I know that's not true and it never was. I have made so much progress. Well now, another great feeling has come over me. I want to go back to work now! I feel it's time. Over the years, I've had these gut feelings that it was time to do certain things. That's how I made the decision to start Fyrescape. That's also how I made the decision to finally move out of town to my land here and move my trailer onto it. So many big important decisions have been made by these gut feelings I've had and today, I had it and it was to go back to work. Yes, I may have put on weight during my recovery, but that's good. It was just a little bit and now I'm back to exercising. But this is what Fyrescape 2 is all about. It's a second part to my Journey. I have done so much during this second part. Two big accomplishments was taking Lisa to the ocean and the other was getting my hernia fixed. Now, I need to get back to exercising, but also I need to go back to work. I was already planning that because Lisa is starting Nursing School in January, so I need to pick up the reigns and start bringing in the money while she's doing that since she's quitting her job. Well today I realized that I'm ready now and that I need to learn how to keep up my full workouts AND go to work at the same time because that's how it's going to be for the rest of my life. I can't just have one or the other. I need to do them both! So that's what I learned about my life and I am no longer in the dumps thinking I feel backward in my progress. This whole thing HAS BEEN PROGRESS!!! I have been pushing myself to be better everyday since Day One. Now, I have come a long way and learned so so much about so many things! This is what it's all about and now comes another challenge that I need to learn how to handle, getting back to working out while finding and going to work everyday. This is something I need and I am so excited to finally be doing it all. I'm very happy and thrilled to the new discovery of today and I'm going to act on it. I told Lisa about all this this morning and she was very happy to hear it. She agreed with everything! This is going to be fun and a very wonderful challenge. I'm ready for it!!
Well now for the crap part of my day! I made a HUGE mistake today. Last night, Lisa and I went to Walmart and we got some food since we don't have anything at home. Well today I was still angry about not winning anything at the casino last night. I knew I could and we really needed more money especially for our groceries, which we had NONE of. So, we talked about it and decided that I would go back up there and try again today after I took her to work. She was in full support of it, as she always is in everything I want to do. She's such a wonderful friend. Well, I went up there after dropping her off. I did ok at first. I turned $2 into $6. I wasn't planning on playing anything big because we didn't have much money left. I only wanted to play smalltime and try and build up some money from that like I usually do. Well I just ended up ONCE AGAIN just winning back the money I was putting in. In the meanwhile, freakin everyone in there was winning jackpot after jackpot. I mean everywhere! There was this woman who won $9600 and another woman who won $650. Then numerous ppl were winning One thousand and two thousand dollars. It was crazy! I got tempted because I was tired of playing little because I wasn't making any profit. So I went to a quarter machine first and I lost ten bucks. I won a little but nothing big and just ended up losing all of it. Still ppl were winning jackpots everywhere, so I went to the dollar machine and I won a few bucks, but then lost a $20. By now, I was panicking. So, I went to the machines that were paying like crazy! Another dollar machine. I went there and tried my last $20. After losing about five bucks, then winning back 2 dollars, I hit a HUGE win...or rather I was supposed to. I hit a Double Red 7 - Red 7 - Double Red 7 and they all landed on the damn payline, BUT that last Double Red 7 somehow conveniently dropped a hair below the payline and I didn't get the win. I WAS SO FREAKIN MAD!! That was MY win, I should've had it! I literally felt cheated!! That damn thing landed on the payline, but then dropped below and didn't pay me. That would have been a $600 win!!! OMG I can't tell you how angry I am over that. I was so so so so letdown and mad the rest of the evening. I ended up losing the rest of that $20 and now I have no money. Zero. Omg I feel cheated. I feel so so cheated and that the casino robbed me, literally. I was supposed to win that. That was MY win...and that machine cheated me out of it :'( omg omg ....so angry :(
So now I have no money and we have no food and we will be out of wood pellets soon. But it was my mistake. I shouldn't have let myself get tempted like that. I take full responsibility for my actions. I felt so bad when I told Lisa, but she is such a wonderful friend she just told me not to worry about it and that it was ok. She said that the only thing that ever matters to her is that I'm home safe and that I'm her best friend. That's all she cares about and that money is the last thing that's ever on her mind. I am so proud of the person that she's become. So, I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to start looking for work so I can give her a good Christmas and get everything paid off so she'll have no more worries for the rest of the year and that she can go into her Nursing School with confidence. That is our plan and I'm hoping to get it all done. I'll have to make us some money here in the next week because we are literally out of groceries, however we still have some deer meat from my hunts last year. That's what we're going to be living on for a few days until I can sell some things and get us some grocery money. I'm so thankful for today and for the things it taught me. Fyrescape 2 has been an Amazing Journey and I'm looking forward to the future. The bright horizon is soon approaching, I can feel it ;) Goodnight!
Comments
Post a Comment